My second son\u2019s birth was difficult. Due to an awful experience with the epidural for my first son, Joshua, I opted out of the procedure for my second son. Joshua was 7lbs. 13oz. and, convinced by the doctor this sweet baby boy would be about the same, I figured I could manage the pain. As it turned out, the doctor was slightly off on his estimate. Two pounds off to be exact. Nathan was 9lbs. 13oz., which equated to several hours of sheer misery. Much of the labor pain was in my back and I remember looking at my mom at one point and whimpering, \u201cI can\u2019t do this.\u201d Without missing a beat, she looked straight at me and responded, \u201cYou have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fast forward to last month. Nathan had been floundering in middle school since his first day last August. He struggled, without success, to fit in and acclimate to the student culture he encountered every day. But over the course of seven months, it became apparent that it just wasn\u2019t working. He was bullied relentlessly and called \u201cnerd\u201d or \u201cgeek\u201d nearly every day. Needless to say, it wore on him. Slowly but surely, it whittled down his spirit and bruised his heart. Finally, when the bullying turned to threats one day, we made the difficult decision to pull him out of school and homeschool him.<\/p>\n
When people around me got wind of our decision, I heard words like \u201cbrave\u201d and \u201ccourageous.\u201d I was routinely told how impressed people were by my boldness. But the truth is, I wasn\u2019t feeling brave. I\u2019m still not. I simply did what was necessary for my child. If I was truly honest, I\u2019ve never had any aspirations to be a homeschool mom and I still don\u2019t. I don\u2019t have a fire or passion for it. But what I do have a fire and passion for is my son, and in that moment, that was enough.<\/p>\n
As I walked out of the middle school that day, terrified of the reality I had just created, I whispered in my heart, \u201cI can\u2019t do this.\u201d Immediately came the words I had heard once before, some 11 years ago; this time, however, they were uttered by my Heavenly Father. \u201cYou have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
There is another mother who must\u2019ve no doubt wrestled with an exponentially more heart-wrenching decision. Exodus 2 tells us that a Levite woman conceived and gave birth to a son during a time when every Hebrew baby boy was being sentenced to death by a jealous and fearful pharaoh. So that woman hid her son for three months. But according to verse 3, \u201cwhen she could hide him no longer, she took for him a basket \u2026 and put the child in it and placed it among the reeds by the river bank.\u201d<\/p>\n
I can only imagine the agony she would\u2019ve experienced as she knelt by the water\u2019s edge and gently placed her infant son in a basket, not knowing what would become of him. I picture her, head lowered, tears streaming down her face, uttering the same words I did to a God she prayed was listening. \u201cI can\u2019t do this.\u201d But somehow, perhaps hearing the same \u201cYou have to\u201d that I heard, she pushed Moses into the river and into the hands of God.<\/p>\n
I think we would all agree that Moses\u2019 mother personified bravery like few others. Being a mother myself, the act of releasing your child with no guarantee of their safety or even survival, seems inconceivable and would require an unimaginable level of courage. And yet, I imagine that if we were able to have a conversation with her, Moses\u2019 mother would dismiss our accolades and praise. She would insist that she simply held onto her faith in God with a death grip and did what was necessary. The truth is that to keep Moses in her home meant certain death. Her only chance to save him was to release him.<\/p>\n
As the story goes, her faith not only saved Moses, but also made quite the impression on generations to come.<\/p>\n
Scripture doesn\u2019t tell us much about Moses\u2019 mother. We learn a few chapters later, amidst a lengthy genealogical account, that her name was Jochebed. She was Moses\u2019 father\u2019s sister and she also bore at least one other son, Aaron, and a daughter, Miriam. But generally, that is the end of her story. And yet, centuries later, the author of Hebrews felt led to include her in a list of the greatest faith heroes of the Old Testament. Sandwiched between tributes to Joseph and Moses, there is a beautiful, straight-forward verse extolling Moses\u2019 parents for their faith.<\/p>\n
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\u201cBy faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king\u2019s edict.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n Hebrews 11:23<\/strong><\/p>\n I doubt that Jochebed set out to be a hero of faith. I\u2019m sure, wading in the Nile River, kissing her son\u2019s forehead for what she thought would be the last time, she simply longed for her child to be okay. Her entire world was floating in that basket and, like any mother, she must\u2019ve wanted nothing more than to keep him from harm.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know about you, but I find that often times my faith is forced. As was the case with my son, I had no choice but to put my faith in God. Out of alternatives and fearing for Nathan\u2019s emotional safety and security, faith in God became my only option.<\/p>\n Sometimes, faith is a conscious choice. There are situations where we stand before a fork in the road and we can either follow God or follow our own inclinations. And other times, God pushes us to the very edge of a cliff and all we can do is jump.<\/strong> Standing before an infinite abyss, we cry out to God, \u201cI can\u2019t do this.\u201d But knowing there is no going back, the Father whispers to our soul, \u201cYou have to.\u201d And gathering any courage we have, no matter how little, we close our eyes and leap.<\/p>\n In those moments, I have found that every single time God brings me to that place, one of three things happens: God catches me, He reveals a bridge, or He gives me wings. You\u2019d think by now that I wouldn\u2019t be surprised by God\u2019s provision and yet, in my smallness and humanity, I am continually humbled and amazed by the lengths God will go to in order to save me.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know what this next season with Nathan will bring. I am uncertain and want nothing more than an assurance that my child will be okay. I feel ill-equipped and unable. But thankfully, similar to Jochebed, I have just enough faith to leap. Just enough faith to wade into the river and trust that God will provide the right current to take us where we need to go.<\/p>\nShare this:<\/h3>