There has been an idea, or rather a dilemma, swirling around in my head for quite some time, but today it finally surfaced and demanded to be heard.\u00a0 Something happened today that hurt a little.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a tremendous wound but a small sting that caused me to go down a fruitless path of question and self-doubt.\u00a0 I found myself singing the same old songs of inadequacy and inferiority that I know all too well.\u00a0 And it got me thinking how easily I took those steps, how readily I gave in to the whispers and subtleties that made me question who my God says I am.\u00a0 And as this reality sunk in deeper, I realized that this is the burden and the curse that all of humanity seems to share.\u00a0 We are so quick to carry the lies and belittlements and yet so slow and apprehensive to embrace all the truths scripture declares over us.<\/p>\n
We all do it.\u00a0 We proceed through our day and when we encounter something someone says or does or even something we perceive, we pick up a piece of self-doubt, or self-judgment or even self-loathing.\u00a0 And the pieces are so heavy aren\u2019t they?\u00a0 And what\u2019s more shocking is that we don\u2019t just pick them up.\u00a0 We actually pick up these virtual cinder blocks and then sling them over our backs and carry them for days, months, even years.\u00a0 It is staggering to me.\u00a0 And it is heart wrenching.\u00a0 Christ spread his arms wide on a cross to tell us that we are loved, that we are forgiven, that we are holy and blameless, that we are chosen, that we have an inheritance, that we have purpose and hope.\u00a0 Just read Ephesians 1.\u00a0 It\u2019s all there plain as day.\u00a0 But it\u2019s not enough is it?\u00a0 Instead of choosing the wings that these truths can provide, we elect to shoulder murderous weights day after day after day; weights that convince us we are insignificant and small and unworthy.\u00a0 I have done this more times than I can count.\u00a0 I have embraced lies about who I am and who I am not.\u00a0 I have bought into fables telling falsehoods about what I\u2019ve done or what I haven\u2019t done.\u00a0 I have believed that I am not good enough and that the very sum of all I am falls terribly short.\u00a0\u00a0 And then, after a while, the weights transform.\u00a0 Though they may have initially been an incident or a word, they quickly and powerfully morph into much larger contenders.\u00a0 Fear, worry, guilt, anger.\u00a0 And as I walk through life with these massive burdens, I am exhausted.\u00a0 I am sore and tired and sick of my willingness to aid and abet the enemy.<\/p>\n
In Matthew 11:29-30, Jesus invites us to take his yoke and, in doing so, find rest for our souls.\u00a0 He utters the glorious words we have heard throughout Sunday school and Sunday sermons.\u00a0 \u201cFor my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.\u201d\u00a0 And while my heart leaps at the truth of this, my head is a slow follower.\u00a0 My memory, my humanness, my sin wants me to carry on with this agonizing yoke I\u2019ve chosen.\u00a0 But His yoke is so easy, so light, so inviting.<\/p>\n
I find it is a struggle every day for me to choose what is easy.\u00a0 It\u2019s so ironic.\u00a0 There is such painful irony in our reluctance to throw off what is damaging and wounding and grasp, with open arms, that which is freeing and redeeming.\u00a0 But I also find the struggle is worth it.\u00a0 Every moment that I am victorious, every moment I allow myself to swim in the truth of my identity in Christ brings me that much closer to my Father.\u00a0 Every step I take away from condemnation is a step I take towards love and forgiveness.\u00a0 Every word of judgment I reject is a promise of holiness and worthiness I accept and cling to.\u00a0 So I will move forward.\u00a0 Towards truth.\u00a0 Towards the cross.\u00a0 Towards the voice who speaks my identity and longs for me to believe it.<\/p>\n