I struggle with anger.\u00a0 It seems like it’s always there, just below the surface.\u00a0 I leak anger like a rusty watering can leaks water.\u00a0 When life is stressful, when I am overwhelmed, when my expectations aren’t met, my anger bolts to the surface and shoots shrapnel in every direction.\u00a0 Just the other day, I instructed my kids to watch our new puppy while I went upstairs and got dressed.\u00a0 It was an easy task, which I expected them to execute.\u00a0 They didn’t.\u00a0 Instead, I came back downstairs to messes in the living room and hallway.\u00a0 I exploded.\u00a0 And while my reasons were legitimate, my reaction was all wrong.\u00a0 This became painfully clear when my children melted into tears in the middle of my tirade.<\/p>\n
This pattern is exhausting and damaging to those closest to me.\u00a0 It is exhausting to me.\u00a0 In the wake of my anger, I find myself begging for forgiveness, apologizing for my failure, promising to do better next time.<\/p>\n
But at the end of the day, I don’t need conviction.\u00a0 I don’t need a reminder of my iniquity or an unfiltered perspective of my stains.\u00a0 I have that covered.\u00a0 I am well aware of my insufficiencies.\u00a0 I also don’t need verification of God’s love and forgiveness in spite of this failure.\u00a0 I am confident and secure in my position with God. \u00a0What I need is hope.\u00a0 Hope for change.\u00a0 Hope that instead of simply doing better, I can be better.\u00a0 I need a promise and a path that assures me that my anger doesn’t have to define or dictate me.<\/p>\n
The first step in that journey came a few hours later when I picked up my oldest son from a church youth retreat.\u00a0 After getting in the car, he informed me that he had forgotten to pack a number of things for the retreat, namely socks, underwear, pajamas and a swimsuit. \u00a0In contrast, while neglecting the essentials, he packed plenty of games and puzzles for free time.\u00a0 As he and I revisited his packing process, I mentioned to him that, in hindsight, he had paid too much attention to what he wanted instead of what he needed.<\/p>\n
Isn’t that true of all of us?\u00a0 Most of us are guilty, time and time again, of paying attention to what we want rather than what we need.\u00a0 We fight tirelessly to attain what we desire while what we need slips right through our fingers.\u00a0 And the truth is, we rarely get what we want.\u00a0 People rarely behave as we’d like them to.\u00a0 Our expectations are seldom met.\u00a0 And we get angry.<\/p>\n
Perhaps if we put more energy into what we need rather than what we want, things might change.\u00a0 That morning, what I wanted was for my children to display responsibility.\u00a0 While that’s a worthwhile aspiration, it’s certainly not what I need.\u00a0 What I need is for my children to know that when they fail, my love for them is still intact.\u00a0\u00a0 I need them to know that their home is a safe place.\u00a0 I need them to grow up joyful and whole, knowing that my approval is not tied to their behavior but, rather, it is rooted in their hearts and spirits.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Tragically, all that was needed was lost in the messy pursuit of what I wanted.<\/p>\n
Philippians 4:19, says “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”\u00a0 Some translations also use the word “fill” instead of “supply”, but I don’t think either word does the original translation the justice it deserves.\u00a0 In the original Greek, the word is pleroo,<\/em> which implies “very full or saturated.”\u00a0 Carrying it even further, the literal translation is “to cram, as in a net.”\u00a0 God will saturate our needs.\u00a0 He will take the net we have woven with all of our needs and He will cram it full.\u00a0 I love the word cram.\u00a0 I think of a middle-schooler’s locker or a toddler’s toy box.\u00a0 It brings to mind my husband’s workbench or my baking drawer.\u00a0 They are crammed full.\u00a0 They simply cannot hold another thing.\u00a0 That is exactly what God desires to do for us.\u00a0 He doesn’t just want to fill our needs, He wants to cram all that we need into our lives until we are spilling over.\u00a0 Until we simply can’t contain the blessings.<\/p>\n I am convinced that the key to putting my anger to rest is to let go of what I want.\u00a0 To take my net, turn it over and let all my wants and desires come tumbling out.\u00a0 I have to empty my hands and heart of what I crave and hold them open for God to pour in what I truly need.<\/p>\n <\/p>\nShare this:<\/h3>